Chapter I
Three invalids. – Sufferings of George and Harris. – A victim to one hundred and seven fatal maladies. – Useful prescriptions. – Cure for liver complaint in children. – We agree that we are overworked, and need rest. – A week on the rolling deep? – George suggests the river. – Montmorency lodges an objection. – Original motion carried by majority of three to one
There were four of us – George, and William Samuel Harris, and myself, and Montmorency. We were sitting in my room, smoking, and talking about how bad we were – bad from a medical point of view I mean, of course.
We were all feeling seedy, and we were getting quite nervous about it. Harris said he felt such extraordinary fits of giddiness come over him at times, that he hardly knew what he was doing; and then George said that HE had fits of giddiness too, and hardly knew what HE was doing. With me, it was my liver that was out of order. I knew it was my liver that was out of order, because I had just been reading a patent liver – pill circular, in which were detailed the various symptoms by which a man could tell when his liver was out of order. I had them all.
It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form. The diagnosis seems in every case to correspond exactly with all the sensations that I have ever felt.
I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a touch – hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into – some fearful, devastating scourge, I know – and, before I had glanced half down the list of "premonitory symptoms," it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.
I sat for awhile, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages. I came to typhoid fever – read the symptoms – discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without knowing it – wondered what else I had got; turned up St. Vitus’s Dance – found, as I expected, that I had that too, – began to get interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically – read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another fortnight. Bright’s disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the twenty – six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid’s knee.
I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight. Why hadn’t I got housemaid’s knee? Why this invidious reservation? After a while, however, less grasping feelings prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady in the pharmacology, and I grew less selfish, and determined to do without housemaid’s knee. Gout, in its most malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being aware of it; and zymosis I had evidently been suffering with from boyhood. There were no more diseases after zymosis, so I concluded there was nothing else the matter with me.
I sat and pondered. I thought what an interesting case I must be from a medical point of view, what an acquisition I should be to a class! Students would have no need to "walk the hospitals," if they had me. I was a hospital in myself. All they need do would be to walk round me, and, after that, take their diploma.
Then I wondered how long I had to live. I tried to examine myself. I felt my pulse. I could not at first feel any pulse at all. Then, all of a sudden, it seemed to start off. I pulled out my watch and timed it. I made it a hundred and forty – seven to the minute. I tried to feel my heart. I could not feel my heart. It had stopped beating. I have since been induced to come to the opinion that it must have been there all the time, and must have been beating, but I cannot account for it. I patted myself all over my front, from what I call my waist up to my head, and I went a bit round each side, and a little way up the back. But I could not feel or hear anything. I tried to look at my tongue. I stuck it out as far as ever it would go, and I shut one eye, and tried to examine it with the other. I could only see the tip, and the only thing that I could gain from that was to feel more certain than before that I had scarlet fever.
I had walked into that reading – room a happy, healthy man. I crawled out a decrepit wreck.
I went to my medical man. He is an old chum of mine, and feels my pulse, and looks at my tongue, and talks about the weather, all for nothing, when I fancy I’m ill; so I thought I would do him a good turn by going to him now. "What a doctor wants," I said, "is practice. He shall have me. He will get more practice out of me than out of seventeen hundred of your ordinary, commonplace patients, with only one or two diseases each." So I went straight up and saw him, and he said:
"Well, what’s the matter with you?"
"I will not take up your time, dear boy, with telling you what is the matter with me. Life is brief, and you might pass away before I had finished. But I will tell you what is NOT the matter with me. I have not got housemaid’s knee. Why I have not got housemaid’s knee, I cannot tell you; but the fact remains that I have not got it. Everything else, however, I HAVE got."
And I told him how I came to discover it all.
Then he opened me and looked down me, and clutched hold of my wrist, and then he hit me over the chest when I wasn’t expecting it – a cowardly thing to do, I call it – and immediately afterwards butted me with the side of his head. After that, he sat down and wrote out a prescription, and folded it up and gave it me, and I put it in my pocket and went out.
I did not open it. I took it to the nearest chemist’s, and handed it in. The man read it, and then handed it back.
He said he didn’t keep it.
"You are a chemist?"
"I am a chemist. If I was a co – operative stores and family hotel combined, I might be able to oblige you. Being only a chemist hampers me."
I read the prescription. It ran:
1 lb. beefsteak, with
1 pt. bitter beer every 6 hours.
1 ten – mile walk every morning.
1 bed at 11 sharp every night.
And don’t stuff up your head with things you don’t understand.
I followed the directions, with the happy result – speaking for myself – that my life was preserved, and is still going on.
In the present instance, going back to the liver – pill circular, I had the symptoms, beyond all mistake, the chief among them being "a general disinclination to work of any kind."
What I suffer in that way no tongue can tell. From my earliest infancy I have been a martyr to it. As a boy, the disease hardly ever left me for a day. They did not know, then, that it was my liver. Medical science was in a far less advanced state than now, and they used to put it down to laziness.
"Why, you skulking little devil, you," they would say, "get up and do something for your living, can’t you?" – not knowing, of course, that I was ill.
And they didn’t give me pills; they gave me clumps on the side of the head. And, strange as it may appear, those clumps on the head often cured me – for the time being. I have known one clump on the head have more effect upon my liver, and make me feel more anxious to go straight away then and there, and do what was wanted to be done, without further loss of time, than a whole box of pills does now.
You know, it often is so – those simple, old – fashioned remedies are sometimes more efficacious than all the dispensary stuff.
We sat there for half – an – hour, describing to each other our maladies. I explained to George and William Harris how I felt when I got up in the morning, and William Harris told us how he felt when he went to bed; and George stood on the hearth – rug, and gave us a clever and powerful piece of acting, illustrative of how he felt in the night.
George Fancies he is ill; but there’s never anything really the matter with him, you know.
At this point, Mrs. Poppets knocked at the door to know if we were ready for supper. We smiled sadly at one another, and said we supposed we had better try to swallow a bit. Harris said a little something in one’s stomach often kept the disease in check; and Mrs. Poppets brought the tray in, and we drew up to the table, and toyed with a little steak and onions, and some rhubarb tart.
I must have been very weak at the time; because I know, after the first half – hour or so, I seemed to take no interest whatever in my food – an unusual thing for me – and I didn’t want any cheese.
This duty done, we refilled our glasses, lit our pipes, and resumed the discussion upon our state of health. What it was that was actually the matter with us, we none of us could be sure of; but the unanimous opinion was that it – whatever it was – had been brought on by overwork.
"What we want is rest," said Harris.
"Rest and a complete change," said George. "The overstrain upon our brains has produced a general depression throughout the system. Change of scene, and absence of the necessity for thought, will restore the mental equilibrium."
George has a cousin, who is usually described in the charge – sheet as a medical student, so that he naturally has a somewhat family – physicianary way of putting things.
I agreed with George, and suggested that we should seek out some retired and old – world spot, far from the madding crowd, and dream away a sunny week among its drowsy lanes – some half – forgotten nook, hidden away by the fairies, out of reach of the noisy world – some quaint – perched eyrie on the cliffs of Time, from whence the surging waves of the nineteenth century would sound far – off and faint.
Harris said he thought it would be humpy. He said he knew the sort of place I meant; where everybody went to bed at eight o’clock, and you couldn’t get a REFEREE for love or money, and had to walk ten miles to get your baccy.
"No," said Harris, "if you want rest and change, you can’t beat a sea trip."
I objected to the sea trip strongly. A sea trip does you good when you are going to have a couple of months of it, but, for a week, it is wicked.
You start on Monday with the idea implanted in your bosom that you are going to enjoy yourself. You wave an airy adieu to the boys on shore, light your biggest pipe, and swagger about the deck as if you were Captain Cook, Sir Francis Drake, and Christopher Columbus all rolled into one. On Tuesday, you wish you hadn’t come. On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, you wish you were dead. On Saturday, you are able to swallow a little beef tea, and to sit up on deck, and answer with a wan, sweet smile when kind – hearted people ask you how you feel now. On Sunday, you begin to walk about again, and take solid food. And on Monday morning, as, with your bag and umbrella in your hand, you stand by the gunwale, waiting to step ashore, you begin to thoroughly like it.
I remember my brother – in – law going for a short sea trip once, for the benefit of his health. He took a return berth from London to Liverpool; and when he got to Liverpool, the only thing he was anxious about was to sell that return ticket.
It was offered round the town at a tremendous reduction, so I am told; and was eventually sold for eighteenpence to a bilious – looking youth who had just been advised by his medical men to go to the sea – side, and take exercise.
"Sea – side!" said my brother – in – law, pressing the ticket affectionately into his hand; "why, you’ll have enough to last you a lifetime; and as for exercise! why, you’ll get more exercise, sitting down on that ship, than you would turning somersaults on dry land."
He himself – my brother – in – law – came back by train. He said the North – Western Railway was healthy enough for him.
Another fellow I knew went for a week’s voyage round the coast, and, before they started, the steward came to him to ask whether he would pay for each meal as he had it, or arrange beforehand for the whole series.
The steward recommended the latter course, as it would come so much cheaper. He said they would do him for the whole week at two pounds five. He said for breakfast there would be fish, followed by a grill. Lunch was at one, and consisted of four courses. Dinner at six – soup, fish, entree, joint, poultry, salad, sweets, cheese, and dessert. And a light meat supper at ten.
My friend thought he would close on the two – pound – five job (he is a hearty eater), and did so.
Lunch came just as they were off Sheerness. He didn’t feel so hungry as he thought he should, and so contented himself with a bit of boiled beef, and some strawberries and cream. He pondered a good deal during the afternoon, and at one time it seemed to him that he had been eating nothing but boiled beef for weeks, and at other times it seemed that he must have been living on strawberries and cream for years.
Neither the beef nor the strawberries and cream seemed happy, either – seemed discontented like.
At six, they came and told him dinner was ready. The announcement aroused no enthusiasm within him, but he felt that there was some of that two – pound – five to be worked off, and he held on to ropes and things and went down. A pleasant odour of onions and hot ham, mingled with fried fish and greens, greeted him at the bottom of the ladder; and then the steward came up with an oily smile, and said:
"What can I get you, sir?"
"Get me out of this," was the feeble reply.
And they ran him up quick, and propped him up, over to leeward, and left him.
For the next four days he lived a simple and blameless life on thin captain’s biscuits (I mean that the biscuits were thin, not the captain) and soda – water; but, towards Saturday, he got uppish, and went in for weak tea and dry toast, and on Monday he was gorging himself on chicken broth. He left the ship on Tuesday, and as it steamed away from the landing – stage he gazed after it regretfully.
"There she goes," he said, "there she goes, with two pounds" worth of food on board that belongs to me, and that I haven’t had."
He said that if they had given him another day he thought he could have put it straight.
So I set my face against the sea trip. Not, as I explained, upon my own account. I was never queer. But I was afraid for George. George said he should be all right, and would rather like it, but he would advise Harris and me not to think of it, as he felt sure we should both be ill. Harris said that, to himself, it was always a mystery how people managed to get sick at sea – said he thought people must do it on purpose, from affectation – said he had often wished to be, but had never been able.
Then he told us anecdotes of how he had gone across the Channel when it was so rough that the passengers had to be tied into their berths, and he and the captain were the only two living souls on board who were not ill. Sometimes it was he and the second mate who were not ill; but it was generally he and one other man. If not he and another man, then it was he by himself.
It is a curious fact, but nobody ever is sea – sick – on land. At sea, you come across plenty of people very bad indeed, whole boat – loads of them; but I never met a man yet, on land, who had ever known at all what it was to be sea – sick. Where the thousands upon thousands of bad sailors that swarm in every ship hide themselves when they are on land is a mystery.
If most men were like a fellow I saw on the Yarmouth boat one day, I could account for the seeming enigma easily enough. It was just off Southend Pier, I recollect, and he was leaning out through one of the port – holes in a very dangerous position. I went up to him to try and save him.
"Hi! come further in," I said, shaking him by the shoulder. "You’ll be overboard."
"Oh my! I wish I was," was the only answer I could get; and there I had to leave him.
Three weeks afterwards, I met him in the coffee – room of a Bath hotel, talking about his voyages, and explaining, with enthusiasm, how he loved the sea.
"Good sailor!" he replied in answer to a mild young man’s envious query; "well, I did feel a little queer ONCE, I confess. It was off Cape Horn. The vessel was wrecked the next morning."
"Weren’t you a little shaky by Southend Pier one day, and wanted to be thrown overboard?"
"Southend Pier!" he replied, with a puzzled expression.
"Yes; going down to Yarmouth, last Friday three weeks."
"Oh, ah – yes," he answered, brightening up; "I remember now. I did have a headache that afternoon. It was the pickles, you know. They were the most disgraceful pickles I ever tasted in a respectable boat. Did you have any?"
For myself, I have discovered an excellent preventive against sea – sickness, in balancing myself. You stand in the centre of the deck, and, as the ship heaves and pitches, you move your body about, so as to keep it always straight. When the front of the ship rises, you lean forward, till the deck almost touches your nose; and when its back end gets up, you lean backwards. This is all very well for an hour or two; but you can’t balance yourself for a week.
"Let’s go up the river."
He said we should have fresh air, exercise and quiet; the constant change of scene would occupy our minds (including what there was of Harris’s); and the hard work would give us a good appetite, and make us sleep well.
Harris said he didn’t think George ought to do anything that would have a tendency to make him sleepier than he always was, as it might be dangerous.
He said he didn’t very well understand how George was going to sleep any more than he did now, seeing that there were only twenty – four hours in each day, summer and winter alike; but thought that if he DID sleep any more, he might just as well be dead, and so save his board and lodging.
Harris said, however, that the river would suit him to a "T." I don’t know what a "T" is (except a sixpenny one, which includes bread – and – butter and cake AD LIB., and is cheap at the price, if you haven’t had any dinner). It seems to suit everybody, however, which is greatly to its credit.
It suited me to a "T" too, and Harris and I both said it was a good idea of George’s; and we said it in a tone that seemed to somehow imply that we were surprised that George should have come out so sensible.
The only one who was not struck with the suggestion was Montmorency. He never did care for the river, did Montmorency.
"It’s all very well for you fellows," he says; "you like it, but I don’t. There’s nothing for me to do. Scenery is not in my line, and I don’t smoke. If I see a rat, you won’t stop; and if I go to sleep, you get fooling about with the boat, and slop me overboard. If you ask me, I call the whole thing bally foolishness."
We were three to one, however, and the motion was carried.
Chapter II
Plans discussed. – Pleasures of "camping – out," on fine nights. – Ditto, wet nights. – Compromise decided on. – Montmorency, first impressions of. – Fears lest he is too good for this world, fears subsequently dismissed as groundless. – Meeting adjourns
We pulled out the maps, and discussed plans.
We arranged to start on the following Saturday from Kingston. Harris and I would go down in the morning, and take the boat up to Chertsey, and George, who would not be able to get away from the City till the afternoon (George goes to sleep at a bank from ten to four each day, except Saturdays, when they wake him up and put him outside at two), would meet us there.
Should we "camp out" or sleep at inns?
George and I were for camping out. We said it would be so wild and free, so patriarchal like.
Slowly the golden memory of the dead sun fades from the hearts of the cold, sad clouds. Silent, like sorrowing children, the birds have ceased their song, and only the moorhen’s plaintive cry and the harsh croak of the corncrake stirs the awed hush around the couch of waters, where the dying day breathes out her last.
From the dim woods on either bank, Night’s ghostly army, the grey shadows, creep out with noiseless tread to chase away the lingering rear – guard of the light, and pass, with noiseless, unseen feet, above the waving river – grass, and through the sighing rushes; and Night, upon her sombre throne, folds her black wings above the darkening world, and, from her phantom palace, lit by the pale stars, reigns in stillness.
Then we run our little boat into some quiet nook, and the tent is pitched, and the frugal supper cooked and eaten. Then the big pipes are filled and lighted, and the pleasant chat goes round in musical undertone; while, in the pauses of our talk, the river, playing round the boat, prattles strange old tales and secrets, sings low the old child’s song that it has sung so many thousand years – will sing so many thousand years to come, before its voice grows harsh and old – a song that we, who have learnt to love its changing face, who have so often nestled on its yielding bosom, think, somehow, we understand, though we could not tell you in mere words the story that we listen to.
And we sit there, by its margin, while the moon, who loves it too, stoops down to kiss it with a sister’s kiss, and throws her silver arms around it clingingly; and we watch it as it flows, ever singing, ever whispering, out to meet its king, the sea – till our voices die away in silence, and the pipes go out – till we, common – place, everyday young men enough, feel strangely full of thoughts, half sad, half sweet, and do not care or want to speak – till we laugh, and, rising, knock the ashes from our burnt – out pipes, and say "Good – night," and, lulled by the lapping water and the rustling trees, we fall asleep beneath the great, still stars, and dream that the world is young again – young and sweet as she used to be ere the centuries of fret and care had furrowed her fair face, ere her children’s sins and follies had made old her loving heart – sweet as she was in those bygone days when, a new – made mother, she nursed us, her children, upon her own deep breast – ere the wiles of painted civilization had lured us away from her fond arms, and the poisoned sneers of artificiality had made us ashamed of the simple life we led with her, and the simple, stately home where mankind was born so many thousands years ago.
"How about when it rained?"
You can never rouse Harris. There is no poetry about Harris – no wild yearning for the unattainable. Harris never "weeps, he knows not why." If Harris’s eyes fill with tears, you can bet it is because Harris has been eating raw onions, or has put too much Worcester over his chop.
If you were to stand at night by the sea – shore with Harris, and say:
"Hark! do you not hear? Is it but the mermaids singing deep below the waving waters; or sad spirits, chanting dirges for white corpses, held by seaweed?" Harris would take you by the arm, and say:
"I know what it is, old man; you’ve got a chill. Now, you come along with me. I know a place round the corner here, where you can get a drop of the finest Scotch whisky you ever tasted – put you right in less than no time."
Harris always does know a place round the corner where you can get something brilliant in the drinking line. I believe that if you met Harris up in Paradise (supposing such a thing likely), he would immediately greet you with:
"So glad you’ve come, old fellow; I’ve found a nice place round the corner here, where you can get some really first – class nectar."
In the present instance, however, as regarded the camping out, his practical view of the matter came as a very timely hint. Camping out in rainy weather is not pleasant.
It is evening. You are wet through, and there is a good two inches of water in the boat, and all the things are damp. You find a place on the banks that is not quite so puddly as other places you have seen, and you land and lug out the tent, and two of you proceed to fix it.
It is soaked and heavy, and it flops about, and tumbles down on you, and clings round your head and makes you mad. The rain is pouring steadily down all the time. It is difficult enough to fix a tent in dry weather: in wet, the task becomes herculean. Instead of helping you, it seems to you that the other man is simply playing the fool. Just as you get your side beautifully fixed, he gives it a hoist from his end, and spoils it all.
"Here! what are you up to?" you call out.
"What are YOU up to?" he retorts; "leggo, can’t you?"
"Don’t pull it; you’ve got it all wrong, you stupid ass!" you shout.
"No, I haven’t," he yells back; "let go your side!"
"I tell you you’ve got it all wrong!" you roar, wishing that you could get at him; and you give your ropes a lug that pulls all his pegs out.
"Ah, the bally idiot!" you hear him mutter to himself; and then comes a savage haul, and away goes your side. You lay down the mallet and start to go round and tell him what you think about the whole business, and, at the same time, he starts round in the same direction to come and explain his views to you. And you follow each other round and round, swearing at one another, until the tent tumbles down in a heap, and leaves you looking at each other across its ruins, when you both indignantly exclaim, in the same breath:
"There you are! what did I tell you?"
Meanwhile the third man, who has been baling out the boat, and who has spilled the water down his sleeve, and has been cursing away to himself steadily for the last ten minutes, wants to know what the thundering blazes you’re playing at, and why the blarmed tent isn’t up yet.
At last, somehow or other, it does get up, and you land the things. It is hopeless attempting to make a wood fire, so you light the methylated spirit stove, and crowd round that.
Rainwater is the chief article of diet at supper. The bread is two – thirds rainwater, the beefsteak – pie is exceedingly rich in it, and the jam, and the butter, and the salt, and the coffee have all combined with it to make soup.
After supper, you find your tobacco is damp, and you cannot smoke. Luckily you have a bottle of the stuff that cheers and inebriates, if taken in proper quantity, and this restores to you sufficient interest in life to induce you to go to bed.
There you dream that an elephant has suddenly sat down on your chest, and that the volcano has exploded and thrown you down to the bottom of the sea – the elephant still sleeping peacefully on your bosom. You wake up and grasp the idea that something terrible really has happened. Your first impression is that the end of the world has come; and then you think that this cannot be, and that it is thieves and murderers, or else fire, and this opinion you express in the usual method. No help comes, however, and all you know is that thousands of people are kicking you, and you are being smothered.
Somebody else seems in trouble, too. You can hear his faint cries coming from underneath your bed. Determining, at all events, to sell your life dearly, you struggle frantically, hitting out right and left with arms and legs, and yelling lustily the while, and at last something gives way, and you find your head in the fresh air. Two feet off, you dimly observe a half – dressed ruffian, waiting to kill you, and you are preparing for a life – and – death struggle with him, when it begins to dawn upon you that it’s Jim.
"Oh, it’s you, is it?" he says, recognising you at the same moment.
"Yes," you answer, rubbing your eyes; "what’s happened?"
"Bally tent’s blown down, I think," he says.
"Where’s Bill?"
Then you both raise up your voices and shout for "Bill!" and the ground beneath you heaves and rocks, and the muffled voice that you heard before replies from out the ruin:
"Get off my head, can’t you?"
And Bill struggles out, a muddy, trampled wreck, and in an unnecessarily aggressive mood – he being under the evident belief that the whole thing has been done on purpose.
In the morning you are all three speechless, owing to having caught severe colds in the night; you also feel very quarrelsome, and you swear at each other in hoarse whispers during the whole of breakfast time.
We therefore decided that we would sleep out on fine nights; and hotel it, and inn it, and pub it, like respectable folks, when it was wet, or when we felt inclined for a change.
Montmorency hailed this compromise with much approval. He does not revel in romantic solitude. Give him something noisy; and if a trifle low, so much the jollier. To look at Montmorency you would imagine that he was an angel sent upon the earth, for some reason withheld from mankind, in the shape of a small fox – terrier. There is a sort of Oh – what – a – wicked – world – this – is – and – how – I – wish – I – could – do – something – to – make – it – better – and– nobler expression about Montmorency that has been known to bring the tears into the eyes of pious old ladies and gentlemen.
When first he came to live at my expense, I never thought I should be able to get him to stop long. I used to sit down and look at him, as he sat on the rug and looked up at me, and think: "Oh, that dog will never live. He will be snatched up to the bright skies in a chariot, that is what will happen to him."
But, when I had paid for about a dozen chickens that he had killed; and had dragged him, growling and kicking, by the scruff of his neck, out of a hundred and fourteen street fights; and had had a dead cat brought round for my inspection by an irate female, who called me a murderer; and had been summoned by the man next door but one for having a ferocious dog at large, that had kept him pinned up in his own tool – shed, afraid to venture his nose outside the door for over two hours on a cold night; and had learned that the gardener, unknown to myself, had won thirty shillings by backing him to kill rats against time, then I began to think that maybe they’d let him remain on earth for a bit longer, after all.
Three Men in a Boat
We decide to go on holiday
There were four of us - George, and William Samuel Harris, and myself, and Montmorency. We were sitting in my room, and we were smoking and talking about how bad we were - ill, I mean, of course.
We were all feeling in poor health, and we were getting quite worried about it. Harris said that he felt really bad sometimes, and he did not know what he was doing. And then George said that he felt bad, too, and that he did not know what he was doing either. With me it was my heart. I knew it was my heart because I had read something in a magazine about the symptoms of a bad heart. I had all of them.
It is a most extraordinary thing, but every time I read about an illness, I realize that I have it too — and that my symptoms are very bad! In fact, my health has always been a worry, I remember . . .
One day I had a little health problem, and I went to the British Museum Library to read about it. I took the book off the library shelf, and I began to read. After some time, I turned over the page and I began to read about another illness. I don"t remember the name of the illness, but I know it was something really terrible.
I read about half a page - and then I knew that I had that disease too.
I sat there for a time, cold with horror. Slowly, I began to turn over more pages. I came to a disease which was worse than the last one. I began to read about it and, as I expected, I had that disease too. Then I began to get really interested in myself, so I went back to the beginning of the book. I started with the letter "a" and I read from "a" to "z". I found that there was only one disease which I did not have. This made me a little unhappy. Why didn"t I have that disease too?
When I walked into that reading-room, I was a happy, healthy young man. When I left I was a very sick man, close to death ...
But I was talking about my heart - nobody understood how ill I really was. I had this bad heart when I was a boy. It was with me all the time. I knew that it was my heart because I had all the symptoms of a bad heart. The main symptom was that I did not want to work. Of course, nobody understood that the problem was my heart. Doctors were not so clever then. They just thought that I was lazy!
"Why, you lazy boy, you," they used to say. "Get up and do some work for once in your life!" They did not understand that I was ill.
And they did not give me medicine for this illness - they hit me on the side of the head. It is very strange, but those blows on my head often made the illness go away for a time. Sometimes just one blow made the sickness disappear and made me want to start work immediately...
Anyway, that evening, George and William Harris and I sat there for half an hour, and described our illnesses to each other. I explained to George and William Harris how I felt when I got up in the morning. William Harris told us how he felt when he went to bed. Then George stood in front of the fire, and, with great feeling, he showed us how he felt in the night.
George always thinks he is ill, but really, there is never anything the matter with him, you know.
At that moment Mrs Poppets, my housekeeper, knocked on the door. She wanted to know if we were ready to have supper.
We smiled sadly at each other, and then we said that perhaps we should try to eat something. Harris said that a little food helped to prevent illness. So Mrs Poppets brought the supper in.
The chief beauty of this book lies not so much in its literary style, or in the extent and usefulness of the information it conveys, as in its simple truthfulness. Its pages form the record of events that really happened. All that has been done is to colour the mand, for this, no extra charge has been made. George and Harris and Montmorency are not poetic ideals, but things of flesh and blood – especially George, who weighs about twelve stone . Other works may excel this in depth of thought and knowledge of human nature other books may rival it in originality and size but, for hopeless and incurable veracity, nothing yet discovered can surpass it. This, more than all its other charms, will, it is felt, make the volume precious in the eye of the earnest reader and will lend additional weight to the lesson that the story teaches.
I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight. Why hadn’t I got housemaid’s knee? Why this invidious reservation? After a while, however, less grasping feelings prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady in the pharmacology, and I grew less selfish, and determined to do without housemaid’s knee. Gout, in its most malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being aware of it; and zymosis I had evidently been suffering with from boyhood. There were no more diseases after zymosis, so I concluded there was nothing else the matter with me.
I sat and pondered. I thought what an interesting case I must be from a medical point of view, what an acquisition I should be to a class! Students would have no need to “walk the hospitals,” if they had me. I was a hospital in myself. All they need do would be to walk round me, and, after that, take their diploma.
Then I wondered how long I had to live. I tried to examine myself. I felt my pulse. I could not at first feel any pulse at all. Then, all of a sudden, it seemed to start off. I pulled out my watch and timed it. I made it a hundred and forty-seven to the minute. I tried to feel my heart. I could not feel my heart. It had stopped beating. I have since been induced to come to the opinion that it must have been there all the time, and must have been beating, but I cannot account for it. I patted myself all over my front, from what I call my waist up to my head, and I went a bit round each side, and a little way up the back. But I could not feel or hear anything. I tried to look at my tongue. I stuck it out as far as ever it would go, and I shut one eye, and tried to examine it with the other. I could only see the tip, and the only thing that I could gain from that was to feel more certain than before that I had scarlet fever.
I had walked into that reading-room a happy, healthy man. I crawled out a decrepit wreck.
I went to my medical man. He is an old chum of mine, and feels my pulse, and looks at my tongue, and talks about the weather, all for nothing, when I fancy I’m ill; so I thought I would do him a good turn by going to him now. “What a doctor wants,” I said, “is practice. He shall have me. He will get more practice out of me than out of seventeen hundred of your ordinary, commonplace patients, with only one or two diseases each.” So I went straight up and saw him, and he said:
“Well, what’s the matter with you?”
“I will not take up your time, dear boy, with telling you what is the matter with me. Life is brief, and you might pass away before I had finished. But I will tell you what is NOT the matter with me. I have not got housemaid’s knee. Why I have not got housemaid’s knee, I cannot tell you; but the fact remains that I have not got it. Everything else, however, I HAVE got.”
And I told him how I came to discover it all.
Then he opened me and looked down me, and clutched hold of my wrist, and then he hit me over the chest when I wasn’t expecting it – a cowardly thing to do, I call it – and immediately afterwards butted me with the side of his head. After that, he sat down and wrote out a prescription, and folded it up and gave it me, and I put it in my pocket and went out.
I did not open it. I took it to the nearest chemist’s, and handed it in. The man read it, and then handed it back.
Родители будущей чемпионки родом из Беларуси. Выросли и познакомились они в Гомеле, после непродолжительного романа решили пожениться. Но в апреле 1986 года в Украине произошла крупная авария на Чернобыльской АЭС, радиоактивные выбросы от которой смертоносным облаком пронеслись почти по всей Европе.
Узнав, что беременна, Елена Шарапова начала настаивать на срочном переезде. Она опасалась, что повышенная радиация может плохо отразиться на здоровье их будущего ребенка. Проще всего было найти работу на севере, куда и переехала семья Шараповых в конце 1986.
В детстве
Жизнь в суровом сибирском климате оказалась сложнее, чем они предполагали. Поэтому даже большие по тем временам зарплаты не смогли надолго удержать их в таежном городке Нягань, где появилась на свет маленькая Маша. Уже через год они снова упаковали чемоданы и перебрались на черноморское побережье, поселившись в Сочи.
В четырехлетнем возрасте Маша впервые вышла на теннисный корт. Теннисом увлекался ее отец, который был дружен с отцом будущего чемпиона Евгения Кафельникова. Женя был старше Марии на целых семь лет и уже считался очень перспективным. К маленькой девочке он отнесся со снисходительной симпатией и даже подарил ей одну из своих ракеток, чтобы она смогла попробовать поиграть.
Незаметно для себя Маша увлеклась этим видом спорта и начала регулярно посещать секцию, чему очень радовался отец. Однажды на корт приехала уже прославленная теннисистка Мартина Навратилова.
Узнав о том, что она дает частные уроки, отец сразу же оплатил их. Мартина подтвердила, что у девочки прекрасные способности и посоветовала отвезти ее в престижную американскую теннисную школу.
К счастью, финансовые возможности семьи позволяли это осуществить. С согласия матери в 1995 году восьмилетняя Маша вместе с папой перелетает через океан и оказывается в Бреднейтоне, где и располагалась теннисная Академия с мировым именем, подготовившая немало чемпионов. Именно этот дом Мария считает родным и проживает там по сей день.
Успешный старт
Чтобы оплачивать учебу Маши в теннисной Академии и как-то обеспечивать ее, отцу приходилось работать по 15 часов в сутки. Для и для самой Маши первый год жизни в Америке оказался очень сложным.
Сказывалась перемена климата и часовых поясов, совершенно другой менталитет и необходимость общаться на чужом языке. Но примерно через год ситуация стабилизировалась, а Маша вошла в нормальный ритм жизни и тренировок.
К этому времени она отлично проявила себя в Академии, и ей предложили первый в ее жизни спортивный контракт с компанией IMG, которая была готова полностью оплачивать обучение юного дарования. Естественно, этот контракт облегчил жизнь не только ей самой, но и отцу, который теперь мог спокойно строить и собственную карьеру.
В 13-летнем возрасте Мария дебютировала на юниорских соревнованиях, средний возраст участников которых был 16 лет. Когда она уверенно выиграла чемпионат, ей вручили первую престижную награду как восходящей звезде тенниса. Она открыла Марии путь на соревнования самого высокого уровня.
Через год ее допустили на взрослые соревнования. Состязаться 14-летней девочке с опытными спортсменами оказалось не по силам, и многие считают столь ранний выход Шараповой на «взрослые» корты большой ошибкой, которая ударила по ее самолюбию. Мария признается, что так оно и было, тем более что вылетела она на первом же круге.
К счастью, у нее оказался очень упрямый характер. И первая неудача только усилила ее желание работать еще больше. Прошел всего год, и на следующих соревнованиях Мария уверенно побеждает спортсменку, занимающую 300-ю позицию в мировой турнирной таблице. Это был грандиозный успех для начинающей теннисистки, придавший ей уверенность в собственных силах.
Звездный час
Летом 2004 Маша становится настоящей звездой, когда выигрывает одно из престижнейших теннисных соревнований – Уимблдонский турнир. Причем титул чемпионки она отобрала у спортсменки, удерживающей его на протяжении двух лет — Серены Уильямс. Это был настоящий триумф.
Далее последовал целый ряд блистательных побед, которые вывели Марию на верхние строчки мировой теннисной таблицы. Но полученная травма плеча мешала продвигаться дальше, и в 2008 ей пришлось более чем на год покинуть корт с целью восстановления. Она перенесла серьезную операцию и длительный реабилитационный период.
Как и ожидали многочисленные поклонники Шараповой, возвращение было блистательным. В 2010 Мария успешно выступает сразу на нескольких международных турнирах, но победу завоевать ей удается лишь в одном. К сожалению, год перерыва пока еще сказывается на результатах. Однако уже в 2011 она возвращает себе место в первой десятке лучших теннисисток мира.
В 2012 Марию удостоили чести нести знамя российской олимпийской сборной на играх в Лондоне. В течение последующих лет Шарапова продолжает успешно выступать, неизменно оказываясь в финальных партиях самых престижных международных турниров.
Но в марте 2016 разразился крупный скандал – спортсменку обвинили в применении допинга. Анализы подтвердили подозрения и Шарапову дисквалифицировали на год. В 2017 Шарапова снова вышла на корты и сегодня успешно продолжает карьеру.
С раннего детства многие соперницы по корту, да и многие соратницы по команде недолюбливали Машу за особенный стиль игры. Ударяя по мячу, девочка всегда громко кричала. А когда она заметила, что это сильно раздражает противника, начала использовать крик как один из факторов победы.
Действительно, нервная система многих просто не выдерживала этого напряжения, что Марии было лишь на руку.
Когда Марию спрашивают о том, откуда появилась такая привычка, она смеется, что это, наверное, наследственность. Ее отец тоже очень эмоционален. Когда он болеет за дочь, его крики (иногда с нецензурными выражениями) слышны за сотни метров. Мария говорит, что она всегда выделяет голос отца среди тысяч других звуков, и он очень поддерживает ее.
Девушка имеет очень высокий рост – 188 см, красивую внешность и отличную фигуру, благодаря чему она не раз появлялась на обложках самых престижных глянцевых журналов.
Ей не раз поступали предложения забросить спорт и заняться модельным бизнесом, но Шарапова предпочла азартное теннисное единоборство скучному хождению по подиуму. Тем более, что победы приносили очень неплохие гонорары.
В 2010 году Шарапова попадала в сотню самых влиятельных спортсменов в списке «Форбс», а к 2011 она сумела заработать более 24 миллионов долларов. Свое состояние девушка продолжает увеличивать и одновременно успешно инвестирует в собственный бизнес.
Она является создательницей кондитерской линейки, занимавшейся производством мармелада, а с 2016 включившей в свой ассортимент шоколад премиум-класса.
В апреле 2017 года теннисистка снова возвращается на корт – срок дисквалификации завершился, ознаменовав новые игры, но менее громкие победы. Первый турнир Шараповой после вынужденного перерыва случился в Штутгарте, где проходил женский международный турнир по теннису.
Ей удалось выйти в полуфинал, обыграв сразу трех соперниц из России, Италии и Эстонии. Однако в полуфинальных играх Шарапова уступает Кристине Младенович из Франции, которая на этот раз оказалась сильнее и практически вырвала победу со счетом 4:6 в свою пользу.
В том же 2017 году она принимает участие сразу в двух грунтовых турнирах – в Мадриде и Риме, где ей предоставили особое приглашение как участнику, который не прошел общую квалификацию (wild-card). Оба турнира оборачиваются провалом Шараповой: в первом она вновь уступает сопернице Эжени Бушар, а во втором снимается с матча из-за серьезной травмы бедра.
В последующем Шарапова травмирует руку, и ей вновь приходится сниматься с предстоящих турниров. Твердый характер и воля к победе всегда заставляли Марию Шарапову идти вперед, несмотря на поражения и неудачи. Уже на играх US Open Шарапова выигрывает все 3 тура и получает свою первую победу после дисквалификации.
В 2018 году на Открытом Чемпионате в Австралии теннисистку вновь ожидало громкое разочарование. Одержав победу в первом туре, два последующих с огромным разрывом она уступает соперницам из Латвии и Германии. Но мы-то знаем, что после поражения всегда следует победа, поэтому в 2019 наверняка Мария Шарапова порадует своих болельщиков новыми успехами!
Личная жизнь Марии Шараповой
Первыми официально обнародованными отношениями известной спортсменки был роман с музыкантом Адамом Левиным. Но Шарапова тогда больше была занята собственной карьерой, чем парнем, поэтому они довольно быстро расстались. Несколько лет в жизни звезды не происходило ничего серьезного.
С Адамом Левиным
В 2009 она знакомится со словенским баскетболистом Сашей Вуячичем, и уже через год пара объявила о своей помолвке. Увы, до свадьбы дело так и не дошло. В 2012 Мария объявила о том, что она снова свободна. Причины разрыва оба комментировать отказались, но ходят слухи о взаимных изменах.
Шарапова Maria Sharapova
Карьера: Теннис
Рождение: Россия, 19.4.1987
Мария Шарапова - известная российская спортсменка, теннисистка. Родилась 19 апреля 1987 года.Мария Шарапова является экс первой ракеткой мира в одиночном разряде, трехкратной победительницей турниров Большого Шлема, победительницей 24 турниров WTA в одиночном разряде и трёх турниров WTA в парном разряде, обладательницей Кубка Федерации 2008 года.
Мария Шарапова родилась 19 апреля 1987 года в маленьком сибирском городке Нягань, куда её родители переехали из Гомеля, спасаясь от катастрофы на Чернобыльской АЭС. Начала заниматься теннисом в четыре года, к тому времени её семейство уже жила в Сочи. Любопытно, что папа Маши дружил с отцом Евгения Кафельникова, и аккурат Евгений подарил ей первую ракетку. В шесть лет Шараповой довелось сыграть с Мартиной Навратиловой, когда та давала показательный наука тенниса в Москве. Навратилова, разглядев дар в окончательно ещё юной теннисистке, настоятельно посоветовала отцу воротить Машу в теннисную академию Ника Боллеттиери. Мудрый папа Марии, тот, что постоянно всячески стремился развивать теннисный дар дочери и, уместно сказать, ездит в текущий момент с ней на большинство турниров, внял совету великой теннисистки и вскоре переехал с Машей в Америку.
На взрослых турнирах, проводимых под эгидой Международной федерации тенниса, Маша дебютировала в 2001-м - в Сарасоте, где, хотя вообще-то, уступила в первом же круге. Зато уже сквозь год в Коламбусе, более того не находясь в рейтинге Женской теннисной ассоциации, победила на старте соперницу, входившую тогда в цифра 300 лучших в мире.
В сезоне-2002 на ее счету были три титула, завоеванных на турнирах ITF, - в японской Гунме, канадском Ванкувере и американском Пичтри-Сити. А в 2003 году Мария Шарапова систематично стала проверять свои силы на крупных состязаниях. В январе прошла квалификацию на Australian Open, в феврале стояла на компьютере WTA уже на 153-м месте, в мае выиграла ещё единственный турнир ITF в Си-Айленде (США) - и заново, в настоящее время уже на Roland Garros, пробилась посредством квалификацию чемпионата Большого шлема.
Дальше началась серия турниров на траве - покрытии, на котором у Шараповой получается в особенности здорово. И в Бирмингеме Мария выстрелила по-настоящему - обыграла тотчас трех сеяных - француженку Натали Деши (5), швейцарку Мари-Гаяне Микаэлян (11) и Елену Дементьеву (1), следом чего в полуфинале на тай-брейке в третьем сете уступила японке Шинобу Асагое. А следом, получив персональное приглашение от организаторов, Мария удачно выступила на Уимблдонском турнире, войдя в цифра шестнадцати лучших. Во второй половине 2003 года к Маше пришли первые серьёзные успехи, она смогла победить два турнира WTA - в Токио и Квебек-Сити. И окончить год 32-й в рейтинге WTA.
С тех пор карьера Марии идет по нарастающей. В начале 2004 года Маша ворвалась в 20-ку сильнейших теннисисток мира. Дошла до четвертьфинала на Ролан Гарросе. Затем последовала беспроигрышная серия на траве. Сначала Мария выиграла турнир в Бирмингеме в одиночном и парном разряде, а сквозь три недели воплотила в действительность свою мечту. 3 июля 2004 года Мария выиграла Уимблдон, обыграв в финале двухкратную победительницу этого турнира, Серену Уильямс! Это виктория позволила Маше сделаться 8-й ракеткой мира. И мы уверены, это не граница.
Так же читайте биографии известных людей:
Мария Бутырская Maria Butyrskaya
Мария Бутырская - известная российская спортсменка, фигуристка. Родилась 29 июня 1972 года.Мария Бутырская является первой российской чемпионкой..
Мария Гигова Maria Gigova
Выдающаяся болгарская спортсменка, представляла художественную гимнастику в индивидуальных упражнениях. Герой Социалистического Труда НРБ...
Мария Нетесова Maria Netesova
30 сентября 2000 на Олимпиаде в Сиднее (Австралия) завоевала золотую медаль в соревнованиях по художественной гимнастике в групповых упражнениях.
Мария Петрова Maria Petrova
Болгарская спорстменка, представляла художественную гимнастику в индивидуальном разряде. Многократная чемпионка мира.
